Why It’s Okay Not to Know What You Want to Do
Everyone told me that the hardest part of applying to college was the essay. I prepared spreadsheets of the schools I was interested in, tracked deadlines for applications, and found friends to read over my essays. But then I saw the little drop down menu on the opening pages of the common application that no one had warned me about. Just above it were the words “Intended Major.”
Hidden in that box was an infinite list of choices, paths, and futures. While I could stomach rejection and the endless drafts and revisions of essays, what scared me most was a single click of the mouse. I had heard about how difficult it was to change majors in college. What if I become stuck doing something I hated for the rest of my life? How could colleges expect me to make a decision like this, when there was still so much of the world I had yet to experience?
Colleges already demand that we keep up our grades, pursue meaningful extracurriculars, and do well on standardized tests. In high school we spend our lives on exam after exam, paper after problem-set after quiz, and yet colleges also expect us to know what we want to do with our lives. In the end, rather than committing to a major I opted to attend a liberal-arts school that emphasized exposure to different subjects and pursuit of varied interests. Coupled with an “intended” engineering major, I thought that I could remain pragmatic, plan for better job security, and retain a higher “return on investment” for the cost of tuition.
However, these efforts to keep my options open came to haunt me. At my college, the accredited engineering degree was a 5-year program rather than 4-years. The engineering major also had the highest number of prerequisite courses out of any major, and I found myself filling up my spare elective courses with engineering classes so that I could graduate on time.
Before I knew it, graduation had come around and I hadn’t been able to explore the different fields and courses that I had originally planned. When it came time to make the next big decision in life — what profession to dedicate myself to — I was back where I started, not knowing what I wanted to do and what mattered to me.
During undergrad, I never gave myself the time or opportunity to explore and resolve my varied interests because I was so intent on optimizing for the best “return on investment” of an education. And in doing so I missed the real value of an education: figuring out what mattered to me.
The state of uncertainty is always difficult; it eats away at you and you begin to second-guess your decisions, your worth, and perhaps even your future. And it’s for this reason that the more predictable, well-worn paths are easier to stomach. These paths are entirely valid, but just remember — if you never develop the capacity to determine what is important to you, then you might end up pursuing things based on what others value.
While it may seem tempting to keep your options open, there will be a time when you’ll have to take a stand and commit to a decision. My brother for example, is now thinking of leaving Google and the tech world to pursue a more fulfilling career. So, if you’re uncertain now, the least you can do is start learning the skills to help you navigate uncertainty in the future. And what are these skills?
Decisiveness
Can you build up the confidence to trust yourself to make the right decision? Building up this seemingly innocuous skill may be a step building decision-making confidence and learning to adapt to the consequences.
2. Introspection
How can you learn from your past decisions (and perhaps mistakes) and choose to shape yourself and your path into what you want them to be?
3. Adaptability
The skills to rebound, make the most of the situation, and pivot if necessary can help you realize that no matter what decision you make, you can navigate to make the most of any situation.
4. Values.
What areas do you want to push yourself? What is non-negotiable? Knowing what matters to you, and making decisions to push or preserve boundaries is also key to growing as a person.
What matters in the end is not picking the right path — whether it is well traveled and predictable, or perhaps more adventurous and exciting. What matters is the fact that you are intentional in your choice and try to make the best of what you have.
So for now, whether you’re applying to college or still working your way through high school. Be kind to yourself, give yourself the options to explore, but ultimately be cognizant of how every experience shapes your direction and what you take away from it.
– Mentor Kevin
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